I’m in a quandary right now.
I’ve been dating a great guy for eight months now. I mean, a really great guy. Our first date was like something I daydreamed about, and he only continued to get better from there. Despite the fact that his crazy travel schedule and our living 140 miles apart makes it really difficult to see each other, I am still. So. Smitten. And just when I burden him (unbeknownst to him) with my own baggage from past relationships, he surprises me with not being like every guy from the past. In fact, he’s nothing like most of them.
I’ve spent the better part of the past ten years totally in love with one of my best friends. He gets me. He’s amazing. And he’s so emotionally stunted at times that it’s impossible for me to so much as entertain the idea of a relationship with him, if he ever decided that he wasn’t afraid of the outcome. But we definitely connect to each other. I love him, and I know a part of me always will.
So it’s no surprise why I am so into this new guy. He’s merely a younger version of exactly the guy that I know I want. I don’t think he even knows how alike they are, outside of my occasional comment stating that fact.
And now the monkey wrench — a couple of months ago, I had a long conversation with my friend. As in, three or four hours, saying a lot of the things that I’d been needing to say and hoping to hear for years. It was amazing. And confusing. I had no idea what to do with the new information that I’d received.
So I did nothing. I still think back on everything that was said and wonder what I should do, if anything. But for now, I am just enjoying things as they are. And I’m holding nothing back. I’m all in this time. And it’s not as scary as I would have expected.